10 Things Aliens Hate About You (Alienn, Arkansas Book 4) Read online

  Valene nodded slightly and went to join Dixie Lou and her friend Miss Penny, who were trying their level best to look innocent and failing in an amusing way. He wasn’t fooled by anything Dixie Lou Grey ever did, but he was, however, a fool for Valene Grey. Heaven help him.

  Wyatt walked toward Hunter.

  “What about my police protection?” Daphne Charlene asked, following on his heels.

  “You don’t need it.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I’m a good sheriff.”

  “If something happens to me, you’ll never forgive yourself.”

  Wyatt stopped walking and she ran into his back. He turned around. “If someone threatens you, call the station and make a report. Otherwise, I have other places to be.”

  “Fine.” She turned and stomped away. Good riddance. He might have to apologize later for his abruptness, but he certainly didn’t want to lead her on.

  “That woman is certainly strong willed,” Hunter said, watching Daphne Charlene’s stiff back.

  “You think?” Wyatt couldn’t seem to help the sarcastic tone.

  “Do you really have other places to be?”

  “Yeah. I need to head over to the state law enforcement headquarters gun range for my annual weapons certification.” He glanced at his wristwatch. “I need to get there in the next half hour or reschedule. And today is my last day to qualify for renewal or I have to start the whole process over.”

  Hunter nodded. “Tell you what—I’m off in an hour or so. I’m happy to stick around and see that the area gets cleaned up.”

  “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but why would you help me like this?”

  Hunter lowered his voice. “I want to make sure you make it to your eight o’clock date tonight.”

  “There is no way you could have heard that.”

  “I read lips.”

  “Sure you do.” Wyatt looked skyward, then said, “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

  “And I want you to make it to your date without Daphne Charlene attached to your hip.”

  “I would appreciate that even more.”

  “What are best friends for?”

  Hunter clapped him on the back and moved to the center of the circle of booths, where the chili con-carnage appeared to be the most devastating. Putting his hands to his mouth for amplification, he shouted to the judges, “Once you get the bulk of the trash cleaned up and the surfaces wiped down, I suggest tapping the fire hydrant to power wash the grounds or the chili will become a hardened part of the landscape for the rest of the time we remain here on this Earth.”

  Wyatt walked toward his cruiser. Across the clearing, he sought out Valene with a look he hoped no one else noticed. She was helping clean up the area around the Cosmos Café’s chili cook-off station. When he caught her attention, she sent him such a searing gaze of love he almost threw away his casual expression to race across the chili-stained ground and kiss her lips off in public the way he wanted to.

  Instead, he tipped his hat in her direction and left before he did something irreparable to his fragile relationship with the love of his life.

  <^><^><^>

  Diesel Grey, using every silent ninja skill he possessed, sneaked down the empty hall and through the open doorway to his office. He looked over his shoulder no less than three times in three steps before going into his office. Earlier, he’d left the door ajar so he could get back in without anyone seeing him. He wanted peace, if only for a few minutes. If he could get into his office without anyone knowing he’d returned, he’d have blessed peace to work in for as long as everyone thought he was absent.

  He twisted around, about to close the door as silently as possible, when someone said, “Good try, but I’m so sorry to tell you that it didn’t work.”

  Diesel tried not to leap into the air at the sound of Axel’s voice behind him. “I don’t believe that.”

  “What don’t you believe?”

  “That you are at all sorry.”

  Axel grinned. “Well, I guess you’ve got me there.”

  “Pray tell, why are you here scaring the socks off me?”

  “Two things. First is the hardest, so I’m starting with it.”

  “Okay. What’s up?”

  “Do you know who Valene is dating? In secret, I might add?”

  Diesel straightened. He did know. The guy she was secretly dating had asked Diesel’s permission to continue the relationship. Diesel liked Sheriff Wyatt Campbell, but he was a human. Their parents were never going to permit their only daughter to date a human, let alone marry one. He’d been putting it off, hoping Valene would come to her senses, find a nice Alpha man to date and then Diesel wouldn’t have to say anything.

  “Yes. I know.”

  “You do? What are you going to do about it?”

  “Nothing. I’m hoping she might change her mind and find someone acceptable.”

  “Good luck with that, Mr. Procrastinator.”

  “Don’t call me names. You haven’t said anything, either.”

  “True.” Axel shrugged. “I’ll adopt your attitude and hope it resolves itself without an alien intervention.”

  “What’s the second thing?”

  “The rescheduling of the gulag ship run this month.”

  “Rescheduling?”

  “Yes.”

  “Sooner or later?”

  “Later.”

  Diesel pushed out a sharp breath. “Why?”

  “Because the Royal Magistrate Guardsmen in charge are waiting an extra week for a certain high-profile criminal to be sentenced. His barrister has put in a last-ditch effort to clear him. However, as I understand things, it’s such a long shot as to be nearly not worth the time. Still, the court must go through the motions for the sake of justice and the additional paperwork. Blah blah blah.”

  “Why don’t they just send him on the next gulag run? I mean, they come through here every month now.”

  “Apparently the criminal is such a big escape risk that they don’t want to wait for the next monthly run. He’s broken out of three holding jails in three different protected spheres on Alpha-Prime. They don’t want him to disappear before, during or after the last-ditch effort by his barrister fails. Which it probably will, according to the gulag officials I was communicating with.”

  “So the gulag ship is waiting around for his appeal to fail and then they’ll pack him up and send him our way?”

  “Yep.”

  “I don’t like the gulag ship being only a week away from a Royal Caldera Forte ship visit.”

  “Neither do I, but what can we do?”

  “We could tell them to do a better job of securing their prisoner while he’s on Alpha-Prime, and then send him on the regularly scheduled gulag run next month.”

  Axel laughed. “Yeah, we could do that, but if we do them this favor then they will owe us one. Not to mention the extra fee I dreamed up and attached to this out-of-schedule gulag run. I mean, we make more anyway on these special runs, but instead of one or two out-of-schedule prisoners, there are a full thirty aboard. They are holding the entire flight for this extra-special criminal.”

  Diesel pondered. “How much more?”

  “I tacked on a 300 percent out-of-cycle fee in addition to the regular fee bump for an out-of-schedule run with a full contingent of prisoners plus one who is very high profile and a flight risk.”

  “And they went for it?”

  Axel shrugged. “Cheaper than having to chase Indigo Smith all across Alpha-Prime’s outer rim where he has so many ne’er-do-well friends to help him escape his fate.”

  “Indigo Smith? Wow. He’s infamous.”

  “Yep.”

  “I can’t believe they finally caught him.”

  “No one can. That’s why they are going the extra mile—so to speak—to keep him locked up and then moved off planet as quickly as possible, so his many Alpha-wide friends, family and fellow criminals can’t help him escape. Again.”

  “Wh
at if he escapes before they put him on the ship?”

  Axel shrugged. “Don’t know, but currently they have a ten-man round-the-clock detail watching his every twitch.”

  “Huh.”

  “What do you think?”

  “I don’t think anything. I know you don’t really need my approval because you’ve already accepted the run, so I’ll just say…whatever. Do what you gotta do, Bro.”

  Axel grinned. “What gave me away?”

  “I’ve come to realize that you have adopted the famous ask-for-forgiveness-later-rather-than-permission-up-front philosophy with all manner of difficult things.”

  “Have I? Is this the only example of my new philosophy? Or do you have other examples?”

  “I do have at least one other.”

  Diesel rounded the corner of his desk, sat down and pulled out the bottom drawer to retrieve a product from the latest money-making scheme wily Aunt Dixie had come up with to help bankroll what was likely the richest old folks’ home in the state.

  He held up the coffee cup his aunt had given him this very morning as a birthday present several months early. She’d been gleeful over his reaction when he opened the gift. She’d even had Juliana film him to capture his horrified digital expression forever.

  Axel looked at the cup, but didn’t seem too upset.

  “I can see by your smile that you already recognize this product.”

  His brother shrugged. “I can neither confirm nor deny—”

  “Save it.”

  “What’s wrong? It’s just a coffee cup.”

  “Oh, this is not ‘just’ a coffee cup. Do you know what happens when you fill it with a warm beverage?”

  Axel said, “I can neither confirm nor deny—”

  “Stop. I can’t believe you approved using alien technology for one of her schemes.”

  “Yeah, because Aunt Dixie came to me with her latest idea, explained every intricate detail and then let me offer my opinions throughout the whole process.” Axel rolled his eyes and shook his head at the outlandish idea of Dixie Lou Grey asking anyone’s permission to do exactly what she wanted to do at any given time of the day.

  Diesel sighed. It was as he suspected. Axel knew all about Dixie’s cup caper, but still didn’t squeal on their aunt.

  “Fair point, but the second you saw this cup you should have come to me. You could have at least issued a warning.”

  “Besides the alien technology that no one will likely notice, what’s your problem?”

  Diesel pulled out his thermos of hot coffee and filled the cup. Seconds later, instead of an innocuous landscape with a few nondescript alien faces dotted here and there, a scandalous image of Maxwell the Martian, bare hind end pushed out like a stripper angling for dollar bills, appeared with a little thought bubble above his head that said, “Well, crack my crater, this cup is as hot as a naked alien.”

  The very fine detail of Maxwell’s nude buttocks as the truck stop’s mascot looked over his shoulder with a silly grin in place was more than a little shocking.

  Axel’s eyes widened. “She gave you this cup?” He looked somewhat ill.

  Diesel nodded. “I can’t believe you knew about this and failed to tell me.”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  Diesel looked at Maxwell’s naked butt. “I think this is a catastrophe and we need to do a worldwide recall.”

  Cam burst out laughing. “No, you don’t. This was only the joke cup, Diesel. Only this single cup was made, to the best of my knowledge. You know, as a joke for you especially, Fearless Leader.”

  “Well, hardy har har.”

  “I wish I could have seen your face the first time you put hot coffee in it.”

  Diesel looked skyward. “Get my wife to show you the short video on her phone. I’m hilariously surprised. There are even several inappropriate swear words. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

  “Thanks for the tip. I’ll do that.”

  “Is that all you wanted to discuss?”

  “That’s it.”

  Diesel pointed at the door. “Sneak out and don’t tell anyone I’m in here.”

  “Will do.”

  Axel opened the door. Nova Green strolled in as if the two had choreographed the move in advance.

  “There’s someone waiting to see you,” Diesel’s assistant said.

  “Oh, hello, Nova.” He put a flat hand up toward her face and said in a melodramatic tone, “I’m not the Fearless Leader you’re seeking. Because I’m not really here and, besides, you also can’t see me. And I’m a figment of your imagination.”

  “Stop pretending to use mind control on me, Diesel. It will never work and it’s getting old.”

  “Worth a try,” he mumbled. Louder, he asked, “Who wants to see me?”

  “Daphne Charlene Dumont.”

  Chapter Three

  <^><^><^>

  Valene spent the rest of her day cleaning chili from the grounds of the public park. By the time she got home, she barely had five minutes to change and get out the door for her date with Wyatt at the Smokin’ Hog Saloon.

  Bone weary and sleepy, Valene still wouldn’t willingly pass up a chance to see the love of her life.

  She dressed carefully, put a sedate scarf over her head so her blonde hair wasn’t instantly recognizable and left her childhood home. She took her parents’ sedan instead of her two-seater sports car to additionally ensure no one would recognize her or notice where she was going.

  It was Saturday night. The rendezvous location was crowded with a multitude of motorcycles and cars, including the overflowing side parking lot. She ended up leaving the sedan illegally parked on the grass at the edge of the forest next to the bar. So be it.

  If they left to go to the lovers’ lane at the bauxite pit, she’d insist on taking the ugly sedan. Perhaps it would remind her she didn’t have permission to continue this relationship, even though her parents had hit the road again in their beloved RV after Axel’s wedding.

  Valene had tried to confide in her mother at the wedding, but could never get her alone without her father horning in on the conversation. Her mother, who might be sympathetic to her plight, likely wouldn’t tell her it was okay to date and marry a human and stay on Earth. Still, she wished she could have told the older woman about the problem she faced.

  Aunt Dixie knew. Diesel, Cam and Axel knew. If any of her other brothers knew about her secret love, they hadn’t mentioned it. Dixie was the one who suggested Valene simply move in with Wyatt and not bother getting married. As she put it bluntly, “Just live in sin with your human. What are they going to do? It’s only against the rules to marry one and stay on Earth. Ergo, no marriage…”

  That was yet another problem. Valene didn’t know what would happen if she moved in with a human without marriage. Beyond the distinct probability that her father would blow his stack or come after Wyatt with a shotgun. All six of her brothers might tag along, too. It was pointless even considering it. Wyatt wouldn’t do it. He was too honorable. He’d already asked her to marry him and pledged his love for her. The sweet memory made her misty.

  She held him off, saying she wasn’t ready to get married, but also assuring him she loved him, because she really did. As the capstone, she said she couldn’t consider his proposal until he got permission from her father to even date her. She’d love nothing more than to marry Wyatt and spend the rest of her life in his capable arms.

  If only he was an Alpha.

  When her father, busy RVing around the country, hadn’t been available, Wyatt refused to be daunted. He went to Diesel for permission.

  Just one more awkward conversation she would rather have avoided. Diesel was sympathetic, but unhelpful. Even the Fearless Leader had to follow the rules.

  He’d been so lucky to discover his wife, Juliana, had a streak of Alpha blood running through her veins. Royal Alpha blood, to boot. The legend of the lost Alpha colony ship was a favorite story repeated in whispers, mostly by folks from Aun
t Dixie’s generation. Aunt Dixie especially was enamored of those oft-told tales of Alpha-Prime’s first failed mission to colonize Earth a couple of centuries ago.

  It was fortunate her brother, Wheeler, the artist in the family, also liked history and figuring things out. He found clues pointing to the lost ship while doing some online investigative work in the American northwest to discover if the humans knew anything about the ship that had crashed well before Alienn, Arkansas was established. Not that it was common knowledge, of course, or they would likely already have an alien-themed town there to rival Alienn. But perhaps there had been old stories or legends in the area about a fireball in the sky, or a crashed ship or rumors of aliens in the forest or something. Nothing concrete had been discovered as far as Valene knew, but a select few were searching quietly.

  Wheeler was on the hunt to find the lost colonists. Her brother Gage, Mr. All About Science, was helping Wheeler using some sort of techie application she didn’t understand. The two of them would likely not rest until they discovered any and all details regarding what had happened to the lost ship. More power to them.

  Aunt Dixie was a stalwart believer in what she referred to as the Lost Colony Legend. It started with the tale of a missing royal vessel from Alpha-Prime and grew after they met Miss Penny and she told them all about her life story. She was able to give them some information about what really happened to the Lost Colony ship, how it had crashed well away from the landing zone and the handful of survivors only made it by escaping in a life boat. She spoke about the death of the Alpha princess after the birth of her royal child, and how Miss Penny’s mother—the princess’s lady-in-waiting—took care of that baby. It became her own duty, with Miss Penny watching over Juliana, the princess’s great-granddaughter, now Diesel’s wife.

  Miss Penny had been a young child aboard that fateful ship when they escaped in the life boat. As a member of Alpha-Prime’s rare shifter species, Miss Penny had lived a very long life, but said she had more fire in her belly and the will to carry on, especially after finding folks from Alpha-Prime living in Alienn, Arkansas.